Kristina
by The Third Biker Scholar
Summary: Kurt and Evan make a bet with the girls, and now Kurts a girl! what sort of new challenges will he face? like whether he should use mascara or more blush! read and review!
1. Default Chapter

This takes place after the episode featuring the Bayville Sirens, just so you know. I've been tossing this idea around for months after I saw what kurt looked like when the professor played around with his holowatch. I thought this would be massive fun, so sit back and enjoy! ~*~*~*~**~ Chap 1: enter Kristina  
  
"I still can't believe you guys went all commando like that. I mean, it was a turn on, but still. That's more of a guy thing." Roberto stopped after feeling ten icy glares hit his back. Every guy in the room just averted his eyes, not wanting to get caught in the crossfire. "Poor idiot," Kurt muttered. "You'd have thought he would have learned."  
  
Amara whirled to face him. "And what exactly does that mean?"  
  
"Shouldn't have said something, man," evan said softly. Amara turned her icy look to him too, and every other guy in the mansion decided it would be a good time to go get some fresh air, take out the x-van, maybe spar with Logan for, oh say, however long it took until it was safe to come back in.  
  
Jean hmphed, "you know, its not easy being a girl."  
  
Kitty nodded, "yeah, I bet you guys wouldn't last a day as a girl."  
  
Kurt laughed before he could stop himself. Every female eye was on him, and Scott started saying a sincere prayer for his safety. "What's so funny?"  
  
"W-well," he stuttered, man it was scary having every girl with mutant powers mad at you at the same time, "you have it easy. Gym is soft on you guys," Jean gave a sharp laugh of disbelief. "Guys are nice to you," "to get in our pants, you mean," Rogue said bitterly.  
  
Kitty snorted. "Believe me Kurt, with that kind of thinking, you wouldn't last one day as a woman. I'd bet my next three weeks money on it."  
  
Evan perked up quite a bit. "You really think so? Willing to put your money where your mouth is?"  
  
Jean glared at him, along with Amara, Rahne and Jubilee. "You bet we would. No guy could last a whole week as a girl. We guarantee it."  
  
"I'll take that bet, Spyke said slyly. But since I can't change my shape, we'll have to go with the next best thing." He looked over at Kurt.  
  
Kurt began to get really frightened.  
  
The girls all looked at him too. "That's right," Rogue said. "He can use his image inducer to look like a girl! We can get change it to look right"-  
  
"Get him the clothes"-  
  
"Vas!? I am not wearing girls clothes!!"  
  
"Shoes?"  
  
"Heels, what else?"  
  
"Where from? Kelly's gonna want to know."  
  
"We'll say he's-she's kurt's cousin from germany, same skin disease to make up for the no -touching thing"-  
  
"And for showering in gym class"-  
  
"Nien!! I'm not doing this!!"  
  
"Come on kurt, no one will know it's you! Help me out man," evan said under his breath. "Don't you want to prove them wrong?"  
  
"Not this badly," he nearly hissed. I will not dress like a woman!"  
  
Kitty spoke up, "see, I told you. No guy will even dare to try it. Too chicken."  
  
"That's it," kurt almost snarled. "I'll do it. I am not chicken."  
  
Every girl lit up like he'd said Christmas was coming early. "We'll call her"-  
  
"Kristina!" ~*~*~*~*~ I am aware of just how corny that opening can be, but trust me, it gets better! Let me know what you think and review!! 


	2. training day!

I can't believe so many people liked this story! I have some very evil things in mind for our beloved elf, but trust me, he'll have a great time while doing so!  
  
Diclaimer:..  
  
...  
  
What? I would have thought the word 'disclaimer' would be enough to tell you all I don't own X-men.  
  
Chap 2: Training day  
  
Jean mentally held down a struggling elf while looking over her shoulder. "Kitty, how's his programming coming?  
  
"Almost finished." She smiled over at Kurt, who was madly trying to get away from Jean. Jubilee had bought him sets of-he really thought he would die from embarassment. Hello Kitty and pink glittery thongs, and what he admitted in the very far back corner of his brain was very cute, Mighty Mouse boxers. She was trying to get him to wear the Power Rangers bikini cut underwear, and he was fighting for all he was worth to escape these insane women.  
  
Kitty continued. "You're gonna look good, babe. Every guy in school will be chasing after you."  
  
"Oh joy," Kurt was not looking forward to this. If anybody recognized him- hari kari would most seriously become an option.  
  
"No, no, that's just what we want," Rogue almost purred. "Now you get to see what its like to have guys chase you when you don't want them too. Hope you got some good comebacks ready, 'cuz you're gonna get the worst pick-up lines every written."  
  
Jean was in charge of Kristina's hair, Rahne for make-up, Rogue and Kitty picked out and programmed clothes. (At least for his upper half. Kurt had refused, even on pain of castration, to wear a bra. The girls had allowed this, as they weren't really doing this to embarrass him. So they had to make a special holo program to simulate real breasts.) Jubilee, the shopping queen, went to work finding him actual shoes he could wear that were the closest thing to heels they could find in his unique size.  
  
Amara had the job of being Kurt's voice coach. This was especially hard, because his voice just started to get a little deeper, so getting him to talk soprano convincingly was a lot of work. But he mastered it in the end.  
  
Surprisingly enough, no one except Kitty caught the biggest flaw in their plan. They were clearing the room, tired from all their hours of work when she caught it. "Oh my god," she said in horror. "Look at his walk." Every girl turned to watch a now nervous Kurt. "What?" He squeaked.  
  
"Nope, this will not do."  
  
"Good lord no."  
  
"Who's gonna"-  
  
"I will," Kitty chimed. "I'll teach him the walk."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Absolutely. He'll be hip-swinging in no time."  
  
"Vas?!"  
  
"Don't worry fuzzy, its nothing big," shadowcat said as everyone cleared out of the room. "I'll just have to teach you to walk like a girl."  
  
"What's wrong with the way I walk?"  
  
"Not much actually. Your tail helps a lot for making your hips move, but you strut."  
  
"What? I do not strut"-  
  
"Yes you do, like, every guy on the planet does. Its not hard to fix." She backed up in front of him. "Put your hands on my hips, okay?"  
  
"Okay," he chocked out, holding her almost at arms length.  
  
"Kurt? That's not gonna work. Here, move closer," she backed up so that his stomach was lined up with her back. "Okay, keep this close to me, and for god's sake, move your hips."  
  
"Okay." Kurt's brain had gone on auto pilot. Kitty had her hips almost grinding against his groin. Blood rushing from head to somewhere else! Kitty swung her hips left then right, Kurt's hands still following her every move. "That's it, fuzzy, move just like that. Now, step," they did, "much better."  
  
'This-this isn't so hard. But with those shoes, its gonna hurt like hell.'  
  
"no kidding, fuzzy elf, but you'll make it!"  
  
"I said that out loud?"  
  
Yeah, but no biggie. I think you understand the basics now. She stepped out from in front of him and motioned him forward. "Now lets see you walk." He did as commanded, she judged him well enough to pass, and they both went back to the dormitories.  
  
Kurt tossed and turned all night, the most interesting dreams kept popping up. ~*~*~*~*  
  
hope you all like it! Please review! 


	3. First day in the feild

You all are so great, my beloved reviewers! here more!  
  
Chap 3: Day 1  
  
Day 1  
  
Kurt woke up that morning with the worst sense of dread he'd ever felt since, well-ever. He did his morning routine, showering, combing and brushing out fur and hair, and accept for the shoes and jeans he dressed normally. Then he clicked on his watch.  
  
"Ach, mien Gott!" Kurt just stared at his reflection.  
  
If it hadn't been really him, he would have seriously thought about asking the girl in the mirror out. "They out did themselves," he muttered in awe. "They really outdid themselves." Remembering the shoes jubilee had spent a whopping 300 dollars for, he carefully made his way down the hall and out the door. Jean had borrowed Scott's car, making him sit in the back. But Scott almost had a heart attack when he saw the new girl coming their way.  
  
She was petite, not much taller than Kitty. She had short raven hair, cut to frame her face and soft bangs. Stunning blue eyes were enhanced by very subtle colors of her make-up, and her lips were baby pink.  
  
Pink and red seemed to be her colors too. Red cherry earrings, pink tank top with a red see-through knit top over it. Pink fingernails, pink toenails, red high heel sandals, tight denim bell bottoms with a cherry bomb patch right under her-not that Scott was looking, no, no, he wasn't. Not at all. Nada. Despite the fact that the girl was built like a brick house-Gold bangles like Jean's with cherry charms on them, a soft pink velvet choker with, you guessed it, a cherry charm. A green backpack completed the outfit.  
  
And boy could she move those hips. Scott was out of the car so fast he almost tore a muscle. "H-hi! I'm Summers Scott-I-I mean, Scott Summers. Who-who are you?"  
  
Kurt almost gave himself a lip piercing trying not o laugh, but managed to say, "my name is Kristina Wagner, I'm new to this country."  
  
"R-really? Where are you from?"  
  
'Good lord, Scott, get a clue, I'm Kristina Wagner.' "I'm from Germany, my cousin Kurt thought it might be nice for me to see his new home in America."  
  
"Go Kurt," Scott said absently. He didn't quite hear the choked giggling from Jean and Kitty, and almost every other girl who was coming into the garage. He also ignored the camera flash. "I didn't even know he'd left. You want a ride?"  
  
"Yes, I would like that." She waited patiently, and Scott got it together enough to open the door for her. Jean couldn't help it anymore and burst out laughing. Kitty joined her, and Rahne managed to choke out, "Scott, that's Kurt!"  
  
Fearless Leader frowned in utter confusion. "What?"  
  
Kurt turned off the inducer and grinned.  
  
He soon stopped smiling and ran for dear life while Scott kept trying to shoot him.  
  
"Come back here, you cross-dressing weirdo!!"  
  
"Aw, but Scott, I thought you liked me!"  
  
"AHHHHH!!!!"  
  
the fuzzy dude-er, dudette, did a handspring to dodge, suddenly porting out of sight. he popped back in right behind Scott. "Man, big brother, how long have you had that tick in you cheek?"  
  
Scott saw red in more ways than one. "GRRRRRR!!"  
  
Jean and Kitty were holding onto each other for dear life, helplessly sobbing with laughter. Rahne could barely hold the camera to take incriminating pictures.  
  
"GET BACK HERE YOU FURBALL!"  
  
"Um, no?" Kurt ported to the roof.  
  
"AAARRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!"  
  
"I'm beginning to think that's a speech impediment. Seriously dude, you're gonna give yourself a stroke!"  
  
To say that the car ride was memorable was an understatement.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
hope you liked it! please review! 


	4. Dude looks like a lady

Hello again! Here to torture everyone's fav fuzzy elf is inuficcrzy!  
  
CROWD CHEERS MADLY!!!  
  
I don't own the Four Seasons, or Aerosmith, or any of either bands songs. On with the fic!  
  
Chap 4: Dude looks like a lady  
  
Kurt was still trying to muffle his snickering as he got out of the car. He and Kitty had been singing the Four Seasons' 'Walk like a Man' in a round all the way to school, and it had made Cyclops seriously consider driving off a cliff to make it stop. Only divine intervention by way of Jean mentally restraining him had prevented it from happening.  
  
The girls bounced out of the car, happily stowing away the priceless memory of this morning. Kitty had the film from before, and Jean loaded a new one into the camera. You never know what might happen the first day of Kristina's visit.  
  
Scott kept clenching and unclenching his fist in an obvious effort to not strangle the boy then and there. He stalked out of the parking lot and almost ran up the stairs to Bayville High.  
  
Rhane looked over at him. "Now remember, boy-o, walk like a girl, talk like a girl." She smiled, "Make the boys drool over you." Jean and Kitty laughed as Kurt grumbled to himself. But he did as ordered. The moment he started walking up to the school, he swung his hips just like Kitty taught him. And it appeared it had the same effect on other males as Kitty did on him. Three guys literally just stared, unable to speak, and one guy still driving almost rammed into another car.  
  
Kurt almost blushed.  
  
Suddenly, the school intercom system flared to full crackling life. Scott's voice boomed out, "Here's a song dedicated to a cross-dressing weirdo! How's this, you nut!?" Aerosmith's 'Dude Looks Like a Lady' blasted across the campus. Scott running from an angry secretary could be heard in the background.  
  
The girls were laughing once more, and 'Kristina' fumed.  
  
~~~~  
  
Principal Kelly kept shifting his weight while he interviewed the new student, Kristina. Kitty had coached him carefully about what to say, and Kurt found that he was actually enjoying himself, playing a joke on the whole school. He was assigned Jean as his shadow person for the week, and they were off.  
  
"You know, you really didn't have to taunt Scott like that," she said softly.  
  
"Oh, really?"  
  
Then she grinned. "It sure was funny to see the look on his face when he found out!"  
  
"I know! Please tell me someone was using the camera."  
  
"Rahne's got it all on film."  
  
"Oh happy days! Lets just hope Scott doesn't decide to blast the camera."  
  
"He won't."  
  
"How are you so sure?"  
  
"Its his camera." Jean turned thoughtful. "You know, I don't think you should be alone with Pr. Kelly if you can help it."  
  
Kurt frowned, "Why?"  
  
"You know all that shifting he was doing?" he nodded. "Why do guys normally do that?"  
  
"When there's a hot girl in the roo"-he almost froze solid. "I think I'm going to be sick."  
  
"Voice, Kristina! Voice!"  
  
He went back to girly soprano. "Maybe I should show him me with the holo off. That ought to teach him to not lust after teenage girls."  
  
"Speaking of lust," Jean murmured, "drooling jocks at seven o'clock."  
  
Kurt began to turn-"no you dimrod, don't look! Not directly anyway. Just kind of glance over there, like you really don't care if they look or not." Kurt did so, and then got confused. He didn't know whether to laugh or get mad. There were four of them, and they were all staring at his butt.  
  
***  
  
hope you like! Please review! 


	5. Don't get mad, get even

Hello! My sincerest apologies for not updating sooner, but I'm hitting finals week in college, my time has been so booked! But here's another chap for you all, as Yimz the flancton knight commanded, so I hope you enjoy it!  
  
Chap 5: Don't get mad, get even  
  
Kurt's decision was made for him when the first bell of the day rang, signaling that class would start in fifteen minutes.  
  
Jean tugged on his shoulder. "Come on, Kristina, we have to get to English. Mrs. Keller's a bitch if you're tardy without a note." She and the cross-dresser hurried their way to class. Kurt had to think for a minute. How many times had he and the other boys looked at a new girl like that? He'd had no idea that it felt so-he had to be honest with himself, despite the gender crossing trauma to his psyche, he had actually found it flattering. Well, to a certain degree. After a while, it began to feel like they were trying to picture him naked-err, Kristina, naked. That was downright creepy.  
  
As they walked down the hall, Kurt was hit by a familiar smell. Or should he say, stench. 'Oh, god, not him-'  
  
"Hey, baby. You new in town?" Todd Tolanski, aka Toad, was leaning on the lockers beside Jean and staring right at Kurt. The boy ran an appreciative eye over 'Kristina's' goods and smiled. "M'name's Todd, but most call me Toad. What class you got now? I could show ya around later, sugar."  
  
'Ewww!!! I just got checked out by Toad! Must not kill him, must not kill him, must not kill him'-"Vas?" He loaded his falsetto voice with as much confusion and accent as he could. "I am vith Miss Jean, she valk me to go class, ja?" Kristina looked to Jean for approval of her speech.  
  
Jean was mentally snickering at the ruse, but went along. 'If only he knew...' "Back off, Toad, I'm just showing my new friend around for the day." She gave him a warning look. "She's Kurt's cousin from Germany, and I know for a fact you'll get the crap kicked out of you if you try anything with her."  
  
"Aw, you're no fun. C'mon cutie," he took the other girl's arm, "I can show you a real good time." Kurt nearly teleported in panic. 'Get off me, get off me!' He shrugged the boy's arm off, "I no valk with 'Toad', I no vant get warts. Goodbye!"  
  
Kurt stalked off, momentarily forgetting that 'she' wasn't supposed to know where she was going before Jean could catch up. He was muttering under his breath about just what he was going to do to Toad for ogling his 'cousin', when she spoke.  
  
"We all get that sort of thing all the time."  
  
Kurt glared over at her. "It sucks."  
  
"Yeah, it does, but you'd better get used to it. Since all of us came from different places when we first came to Bayville, we all got the same treatment."  
  
Kurt grimaced. "Sorry for it."  
  
Jean smiled, "Don't mention it; it stops after two or three days. Then the real fun starts." The boy blanched.  
  
Suddenly, as Toad walked by to get to his own class, Kurt flinched and froze solid. Jean looked around to see what the matter was. "Kurt?"  
  
Kurt was twisting around to see a smirking Toad turning back to give him the peace sign. The elf was seeing red. Jean finally got worried enough to scan his mind when he spoke.  
  
His tone was downright scary when he said, "That rotten bastard just flicked my butt with his tongue."  
  
Jean's eyes went huge and spoke without thinking. "Kitty used that exact same tone when he did that to her." She immediately could have smacked herself.  
  
Kurt nearly went off. "Vas?! He did that to Kitty!? He is going to die-"  
  
"Kur-Kristina," Jean said frantically at the weird looks other people were giving them at a girl with such a deep voice, "just do what Kitty did."  
  
"Oh? What was that?" he said with clenched teeth.  
  
"Don't get mad, get even."  
  
He thought about it while taking deep breathes in an attempt to calm down. Kristina suddenly lit up like it was summer break come early. "I have an idea."  
  
Jean looked disturbed. "That's exactly what I'm afraid of." She sighed. "Girl's room is down the hall if you need a base of operations."  
  
Kurt nodded and practically ran down the hall, almost going into the men's before he caught himself. The moment he walked into the girls, he knew that Scott was going to make a lot of money. Cyclops had bet twenty bucks that the girls' bathroom was better than the guys; everyone else argued that it was just a rumor. Well here was the proof.  
  
He was almost gaping. They had their own vending machines in here! That was just so not fair! He shook those thought from his head and went to a stall, locking the door. 'Man, they even get the graffiti better in here. Someone was actually writing a poll as to the cutest guy in school. Hey, I was third! Not bad, for the fuzzy dude.' He clicked off his inducer for Kristina mode and switched back to his regular guy mode, then bamphed out of there.  
  
**  
  
Toad was almost whistling to himself as he walked down to first period homeroom. That German chick had been fine, and he couldn't wait to tell the Brotherhood boys that he'd actually tongued her butt!  
  
Suddenly-Bamph! blue sulpherous clouds appeared, he froze solid not daring to move without seeing where Nightcrawler was and-Bamph! were gone just as fast. Toad looked around frantically. 'But Her Royal Prissiness said that he was Europe, yo! How the hell did freak boy know what I was doin'?'  
  
Toad heard people start to laugh and wondered what was so funny. A sudden breeze made the reason known, and Toad almost shrieked in horror.  
  
'OH MY GOD, HE PANTSED ME!!'  
  
The entire student body got a horrifying eyeful of Todd Tolanski frantically trying to yank his pants back up from around his ankles. "I'm gonna kill that blue freak, I swear to god I'm gonna!"  
  
**((&&  
  
Hehehe. I couldn't resist. If anyone deserves it, it's the toad boy. Hope you like it, please review!  
  
Review Responses:  
  
Yimz the flancton knight: guys do so shift like that, I have four brothers, so I know. I hope you like this chap! Thanks so much for reviewing me.  
  
Storm-Pietro: good idea, and yes I will. But do you really think Toad would miss a chance to hit on the new girl? (grins like a manic demon)  
  
Lady LeBeau and Dark Jaded Rose: you guys really have no idea just how much it means that you faithfully review every chap I write in both my x- men fics. Thank you.  
  
Taineyah: yes, he will, and in interesting ways if I have any say in it. (oh hey, I'm the author, of course I have a say in it.)  
  
Much thanks to those who reviewed!  
  
SperryDee  
  
mystic fire demon  
  
Kittrazzle Fayn  
  
Kiki Cabou  
  
Jwink  
  
Fragglerox  
  
Rouge 14  
  
Aqueous  
  
Painbearer  
  
Abbie Solar Star  
  
Kage-robot-of-darkness  
  
Soul of the Nightcrawler (man, that is a kick-ass name, wish I'd thought of it)  
  
Hipkid727  
  
Sparkle kiwi  
  
Gavin  
  
TsumeYasha aka the Claw  
  
Aly  
  
Meredith  
  
ShadowWalker Nightcrawlers Sister (again, a seriously cool name) 


	6. Wayne Newton sings!

Hello!  
  
Inuficcrzy back from winter hibernation to bring you more of Kristina! Sorry for the long delay, it's been a wild month. Or two. (sorry!)  
  
I don't own the Evo cast, but my goodness, does Kurt look fine today.....what?  
  
Oh yeah. Please forgive me, I cannot speak or spell German at all. Nope, not a bit of it. I know maybe a grand total of three words, ja, nien, and danke. That's it. So if Kurt sounds god-awful, it's my fault, I accept full responsibility.  
  
Chap: Wayne Newton sings!  
  
That's it. It was beyond official. Kurt Wagner, a.k.a. Kristina, had entered the ninth level of Hell. He was in third period, and more than ready to just scream out to God and man, "Look at me, I'm a cross-dresser!"  
  
Anything to get out of Choir!  
  
First period hadn't been that bad. They had gotten in mild trouble for being late, nothing big, and had sat through a relatively boring English class. It took some willpower to act like the other girls in there and look interested, but he managed. Kurt was a fairly good actor, if he said so himself. However, the entire process was complicated by the fact that every guy in the classroom was either checking him out or trying to catch his eye. 'Mien Gott, I've only been here two hours and they're circling me like vultures!' It made him a little ashamed for his gender.  
  
By the end of the class, he had a small pile of hastily scribbled notes asking for 'her' phone number, if 'she' had a boyfriend, and what 'her' name was. One note even asked if 'she' was a virgin.  
  
When he'd gotten out to the hall, most of the note-senders were standing by the door, waiting for her reply. He calmly answered, in his best girly voice, "NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!" Most of the guys had scattered like scared sheep, and a few girls had given him sympathetic looks.  
  
Second period was slightly better. By that time, word of Kristina's 'bitch fit' had circulated like wildfire, and he had received fewer notes this time around. But it had been math class, and he was pretty good at math. One guy sitting next to him had seen him taking notes and been impressed.  
  
Or something like that.  
  
"Hey, you take great notes," he's whispered to 'her.' "Think you could help me study sometime?"  
  
Kurt had rolled his eyes. If that wasn't the oldest trick in the book. "Was? Mien english, es no gutt." Translation problems always put the kibosh on that sort of thing.  
  
Not this time. The guy had just smiled. "I don't think we'd study all that much."  
  
Kristina had kicked him hard in the shin and had been very pleased with the jerk's high pitched yelp. The guy had gotten in trouble for disrupting class and had been given detention. Kurt had been very grateful to get out of there when the bell rang.  
  
But when Jean had led him down towards the auditorium-"I can't believe you'd do this to me!" It was all he could do not to scream at Jean and just quietly hissed it at her. "Couldn't you have just let me skip this and go to the library? I can't sing in English!"  
  
They were both in the Choir room, going through scales of notes to warm up for their practice pieces. Ms. Krane, the music teacher, normally went for a small break so that she wouldn't go deaf before they began their training, so they were mostly on their own. The cacophony easily masked the sound of his normal voice. Jean rolled her eyes and whispered back, "What's the big deal? Just sing in German."  
  
"I can't sing in German either!" he hissed back.  
  
"Watch your voice, 'Kristina,'" She warned. "What do you mean you can't sing in German? You 'are' German."  
  
He glared at her and pointed to his throat. "My voice just changed, remember?"  
  
"Oh, come on. It can't be that bad."  
  
Kurt scowled and made one single loud note.  
  
A glass vase of flowers sitting on the teacher's desk cracked.  
  
Every single girl in the place turned and stared. Kristina turned beet red while Jean tentatively took her hands off her ears. "Jezzus Whizmo, I think I just went deaf," she whimpered.  
  
One of the sopranos came up to Kristina. "Honey, why on earth are you at school today?"  
  
He sulked, but pointed at Jean, remembering to do his girl voice. "She made me come." Uh-oh. That came out like a croak.  
  
The girl just stared at 'her' before saying, "Jean! How could you make someone with strepp throat come to choir practice?!"  
  
"Strepp throat?" he croaked again. 'Dammit, I thought I finally got over this part!'  
  
"What else could it be? You poor girl, in a new country 'and' sick!" Suddenly the fuzzy dude was surrounded by girls clucking over him, making him sit, and bringing him a can of soda from the machine down the hall. Kurt just stared in surprise. He was fairly sure that any other time he would have been teased mercilessly for what just happened. Instead they were all acting like he was their new pampered pet.  
  
He full out grinned and started thanking every girl in the room, and mentioning his sweet cousin Kurt who might join choir sometime. He could get used to this.  
  
"Hey, does anyone know any German?" the same girl, Lanie, called out.  
  
The Delphis twins, two of the hottest girls in all of Bayville High, looked at each other and immediately sang out like Wayne Newton, "Dallll-kuh-shay, darlin', Dallll-kuh-shay----"  
  
Kurt almost cracked a rib laughing. 'Ach, mien Gott. Th-that's terrible!' He desperately tried to correct them before he wet his pants laughing. "Nien, nien-I mean, no! Danke, not 'dallkuh."  
  
Jean was alternating between staring and laughing. 'My god,' she thought to herself. 'He's looks like a female pimp, surrounded by adoring women. This just looks so wrong.' She had to get a picture of this. She rooted through her bag and found the camera. Just as the flash clicked, her brain finally registered what she was seeing and discovered something dangerous.  
  
Jean was used to seeing Kurt as he was, blue and furry, so when she took pictures of him at the mansion when he had the inducer off, that was what she saw through the camera lens. When she took pics for the yearbook and he was there, it had always been a little disturbing to see him as a normal human guy. So when she'd taken this picture, she'd seen nothing wrong with how he'd looked.  
  
Except for one obvious, glaring difference.  
  
Instead of looking like a girl, like 'Kristina', he'd looked like Kurt. The blue fuzzy dude. In the clothes he was really wearing before he switched the program on, and a pair of ridiculous looking Jerusalem Cruisers.  
  
But that was beside the point.  
  
The Kristina hologram program, unlike the male hologram, did not photograph.  
  
.........  
  
...........  
  
This was both very scary and very, very funny.  
  
%%%$$$####  
  
thanks for reviewing me!!! Please review again!  
  
Dark Jaded Rose and Lady LeBeau: thank you both so much for reviewing me.  
  
Abbie Solar Star: I know exactly what you mean, and yes the men's room is so gross!  
  
Thanks to everyone!  
  
RahneMan  
  
Rogue 14  
  
Aqueous  
  
Kage-robot-of-darkness  
  
SperryDee  
  
Glaivestar  
  
Gavin  
  
Tainyeh  
  
Sparkle kiwi  
  
Elrohirthewriter (cool name, dude!)  
  
And red-angel-wings! 


	7. The great Miami pimp

Sorry, I know its short, but college! I want sleep!!  
  
I don't own the X-men, but Remy, now Remy don't be shy......  
  
Chap: the great Miami pimp  
  
By the end of the day, Kurt was more than happy to get back to the mansion. He'd been groped twice during lunch and had almost gotten detention for giving the first one a black eye and the other a left cross that sent the boy flying into a trash can. However, his new friends from Choir were doing their best to try and brush the guys off before they could reach him.  
  
Kurt had been extremely grateful for their help. The boy was seriously considering going into the class next semester despite his awful voice. Those girls were wonderful! (The fact that most of them were pretty hot had nothing to do with it. No, no.)  
  
He also now understood why women went to the bathroom in packs. Every guy on earth has wondered at least once why they do that, and what on earth they were doing in there. Well now he knew. It was a defense mechanism. Really! This way, no guy could corner them and give them grief without her friends coming to help.  
  
It was also a great excuse to swap make-up and for clothing repair. The Delphis twins, while meaning well, had tried to learn his secret for getting just the right amount of blush on his cheekbones. He mentally gaped in horror. Girls were asking him for make-up tips! He brushed them off with saying it was all Jean's work, (and technically it was.)  
  
What had almost given him a nosebleed from blushing was when a random girl asked if he had a spare tampon. He stammered out a horrified no while other girls went rummaging through their assorted purses and backpacks.  
  
The following periods were History, Biology II, Spanish, and Health. Kurt decided he was going to fear Health. His class was about to have that wonderful course on Sex Ed., and it appeared that since he was technically a girl, he would have to take the women's class. Oh joy.  
  
At the end of the day, he had sighed in happy relief as the bell rang. Walking out to the parking lot, he just knew he was going to have trouble. Scott almost didn't let him in the car, but Kitty persuaded him by threatening to have Jean put him in the back seat and letting her drive. Not wanting to see his entire life flash beofre his eyes, Cyclops agreed. Just as Kristina was getting in, Lance drove by with Todd and Pietro in his jeep. "Nice ass, babe!" Pietro called out as Lance whistled.  
  
Kurt glared bloody murder at them driving away while Scott laughed. "I feel better now," he chuckled. "Wait till they find out who's under there. Just picture the look on their faces." That last statement made Kurt feel a little better as he settled in the car.  
  
)(*^&%*&$*^$  
  
Evan was practically dancing by the time they got back home. He'd been waiting all day, hearing juicy rumors and gossip about the hot chick from Germany. "So?! What was it like?"  
  
Kurt almost told the truth—"You guys have got to look at this!" Jean crowed. She and Kitty had hooked the camera up to the computer screen to enhance the pictures and were showing them off. "Look at Scott's face!"  
  
"Jean!" the poor man wailed, "Leave me some dignity!"  
  
"Why? This is much more fun!" She laughed. "Ooh, look, look! This is the one Rhane caught of Todd in his underpants!"  
  
"Aahgg!! My eyes, my eyes!" Sam moaned out. "They burn!" Roberto and Ray were laughing till the tears came, gasping out, "Look at his face! Priceless!"  
  
"Here's the one from Choir!" Kitty shouted.  
  
"Um, Kitty, about that one"–Jean started to say before the display came on.  
  
Kurt perked up. "Oh hey, let me see." He took one look at the screen and froze. There he was, with dozens of pretty girls hanging on him. He was grinning at the camera like the Cheshire Cat, each arm around a Delphis twin.  
  
And he was in all his blue furred glory.  
  
Everybody stared. "Uh, Kitty? Where's his hologram?" Bobby said nervously.  
  
"I don't understand. Why didn't it photograph?" Kitty said with confusion.  
  
"Got to admit, that's a killer picture," Evan said softly. He grinned, "I mean, look at him. He'd make a great Miami pimp! Fur, women, and platform shoes, man!"  
  
***&&&^^^  
  
I'd be more than happy with any ideas you guys can give me. Hope you all like it, please review!! 


	8. goodnight, Kristina

Very sorry that its been so long since I updated this, but that's life, I guess.  
  
I don't own X-Men, at all.  
  
Chap: Goodnight, Kristina  
  
After beating Evan with a ladle, Kurt slunk up to his room and collapsed on the bed. Gott, what a day. A knock at the door made him stir. "Ja?"  
  
"Kurt? May I come in?"  
  
Kurt's eyes went huge. "Professor?" He scrambled to the door and pulled it open to allow the headmaster in. He found a smile. "What can I do for you, professor?"  
  
The man rolled into the room, smiling. "I just wanted to congradulate you."  
  
"Congradulate me?"  
  
"Yes. You are really developing a better understanding of how some of your team members feel and what they deal with everyday. It should really help you get along with them better. Not to mention, this will help to give you a greater knowledge of how some of our new recruits will feel someday when they come to Bayville."  
  
Kurt's eyebrows went up in surprise. "We're getting new recruits?"  
  
"A few, soon. But not until the end of the school year. Well, I'm sure you've—I mean, Kristina has some homework to send on to her cousin in Germany." He chuckled. "I never thought that that little joke I played would have such reactions."  
  
"You know, that was funny when you did it. Now it just freaks me out," Kurt said with a sigh.  
  
"Don't worry, it's only for a week. Nothing too bad can happen in a week. "  
  
Kurt stiffened until the professor reached over and knocked on the dresser. "You know, superstitions are a little out-dated."  
  
"Funny you should say that. That's what it says on my grandfather's tombstone. He died after walking under a ladder."  
  
The professor blinked in surprise. "Oh? Hit with a bucket of paint off the ladder?"  
  
"No. He was hit by the whole painter."  
  
Only the fact that Kurt said it with a completely straight face prevented the professor from laughing. But he did smile as he backed up out of the room. "Good night, Kurt."  
  
"Good night, professor."  
  
He tried to get out his homework like the professor said. Five minutes later, Kitty walked in. "Kurt? You okay, fuzzy?"  
  
"Ja, I'm fine."  
  
She walked over to where he was sitting at his desk. "Homework?"  
  
"The teachers all had me bring it so I could send it on to my 'cousin,'" he said with a shrug. "They'll be surprised when I come back and understand the stuff."  
  
"No doubt," she laughed. The girl suddenly became sober. "Kurt, are you okay?"  
  
He knew what she meant. The boy leaned back in his chair to look her in the face as he spoke. "I'm really freaked out by all this. I don't like being stared at like I'm some kind of piece of meat." He paused. "Did I ever do that to you?"  
  
"No. You were a gentleman about it," she said with a smile. "You looked at me like a piece of cake."  
  
"Oh, gott," he groaned. "I'm sorry, kitty."  
  
"I'm kidding," she said with a smile. She straighten from leaning on the wall and made to walk out the door. "I'm gong to the kitchen. Want anything?"  
  
"Better not. I'd hate to ruin Kristina's figure."  
  
Kitty laughed as she phased through the floor.  
  
&$%  
  
I know, its short, but bear with me. I'm hitting som rocks, story wise, but they'll be debugged soon!  
  
Please review!! 


End file.
